Reflections by Bubie

There are so many recollections that I will reflect upon with great joy until they cart me off to the home for the bewildered: Elanor and Ryan jumping out of a cab in front of a cafe on a residential street in Florence where we waited for them to begin our Italian vacation and handing us a card announcing the pregnancy; seeing Elanor in all her 9 month pregnant glory as she managed to walk around the lake in San Marcos the week beforfe Wilken was born; watching Ryan proudly showing off his son at the nursery window looking very impressed as he mouthed "big cajones" while the pediatrician examined Wilken; my first glimpse of Elanor lying in the recovery room, and both of us bursting into tears, as she called out "Mommy... (the first time she had called me that in years), "Isn't he the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?"
I will always remember Wilken's beautiful, unmarred face looking up at me for the first time with his eyes open, his settling into my shoulder as I sang, "Wilken Cooper you should know that your Bubie loves you so....", the rat-a-tat-tat sound he makes in his throat showing his displeasure and frustration, but giving one a chance to redeem the situation before he cries for real, watching Elanor and Ryan working together to get Wilken to latch on and nurse in the hospital and at home...Elanor and Wilken sleeping together on the sofa, and her total surprise at her "fear of the night." What an amazing change, for the first time in one's life to not be able to control whether there is sleep or no sleep, to be at the total beck and call of a 7-1/2 pound human, to be sleepy all the time. Such is parenthood. Rather than humorous pleasure that comes from "what goes around...," I find myself remembering, and empathizing with the total fatigue of those long nights. David and I never did figure out sleeping--that is, Nate and Elanor never slept, so any parent to can feed and respond on demand and still have their kids learn to sleep has our hats off. I bet Elanor and Ryan will figure it out.
The chats with Elanor during the days of watching, changing, and nursing Wilken are days to treasure forever, and the pleasure of watching this young couple together with this baby are a joy as well. While I feel a bit tired as well, and not as able to be my usual witty self in print, these tidbits get lost so easily in time--a record is a special thing. We always say we will remember, don't we, and then often forget. Some things, however, will always be there.... 5/25/05.